i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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