Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
