Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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