dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
don't judge my taste in strippers
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
