i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
