david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
