I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
