I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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