dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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