I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
