i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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