my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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