I accidentally had phone sex last night
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
