i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
