I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
