but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
