What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
