Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
