I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
