were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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