I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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