How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
