I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
