I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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