It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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