Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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