Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
