I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
