when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
