I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
