D3 body, D1 cock
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
