Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
