i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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