Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
