Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
vagina is talking i cant
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
