I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
last night I used snow as a chaser
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
