You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
