i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
