hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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