R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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