Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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