lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
