piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
