He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My sheets look like a crime scene.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
