Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
