TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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