I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Still dying that you shit outside
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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