I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
