i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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