And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
