On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
