It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
