$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
