TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
