this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
