do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
